Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
