do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
