When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
