I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
