Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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