We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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