I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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