I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
