Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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