Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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