Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
