She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
