i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
