It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
