NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I could make wine with my vomit
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
