How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
