Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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