Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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