you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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