is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found your dick twin last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
