my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
