do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
