Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
