we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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