I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think a kid would responsible me up
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
