I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
