i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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