I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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