We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This baby is an asshole
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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