I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Vodka?
Forever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
