I met the friendliest cop last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize