U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
