Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
