I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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