So drunk its hurt
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
