if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
