Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
