I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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