were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
