She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
