my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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