I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
