I think i peed on brittanys purse
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
