i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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