We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
