Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
