Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
