i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
