apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize