dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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