did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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