Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
