do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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