i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
