i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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