She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
