I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
