There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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