I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
