just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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