Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
