Umm I'm too high to move.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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