i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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