We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
