Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
