he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
