dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
