Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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